February 23, 2007

Training

She's all I think about. Whether I'm driving my kids to school or intubating a patient in cardiac arrest, she's right there with me.

She's the last thing I'm aware of before I sleep, and the first thing in my mind when I wake.

If I go a day without her, I feel awful. Miserable. Forgotten my mother's birthday miserable. So I try not to let a day pass when I don't give to her at least a little bit of me.

And she repays me like nothing I've experienced before. She gives me confidence like Ali and speed like Sugar Shane (ok, I wish she gave me speed like Sugar Shane, but a boy can dream can't he?). She tempers and humbles me, humiliates and rebuilds me.

She makes me hurt. Oh my God, she makes me hurt. But I beg for more, insatiable like Mardi Gras gluttony.

I buy things for her. Little gifts here and there, sacrifices to the greater cause of our relationship. She uses my gifts to hurt me more, and it only makes me want to repeat the cycle, again and again and again.

She controls me, even without making demands. She puts me to bed early, forces me to abide to a one beer a week rule, and laughs at me when I remember ever smoking a cigarette. Yet I've learned to accept her rules, knowing that we will be stronger by avoiding the habits of my former I.

And her wishes and desires and needs have become my wishes and desires and needs, so that we are symbiotic in this creation.

And as one, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, we will face all obstacles thrown at us on June 24, and on September 9, and on any future days when we might happen to find 17 hours to swim, bike, and run our way over 140.6 miles.

My girl... My girl...

12 comments:

Megan said...

I think we might be in love with same "girl"....

Triteacher said...

Gotta love her. Great post.

Bike Chick said...

I don't know whether I'm happy or scared that you're talking about training. But I think it bodes well for you in your journey!

TJ said...

speaking of buying her gifts...how are all the new gadgets working out?

Michele said...

One beer a week??? I am glad I don't feel that kind of guilt! :)

TriJack said...

tj the swimp3 has found its way to the auction block already! oh well, it sounded good...

TriShannon said...

Great post. You articualted exactly how I feel. For me, every decision is made with the question of what impact will this have on my primary focus right now... training.

momo said...

i feel the same way. i thought perhaps after completing an im, that the honeymoon would be over, but it isn't. this is probably the healthiest relationship i've ever had. ;-)

LoneStarCrank said...

Don't you dare ever cheat on her... she knows every time you do. Damn those women.

RunBubbaRun said...

She's is hard person to let go sometimes. Even thru the blood, sweat, and some pain, we still come back for more.

Not sure if it is bad thing yet.

ironjenny said...

You are the most creative writer - that was great!
Jenny

tri-mama said...

ahhh the Iron Maiden. Tool of torture, dismal 80's hair band or life partner? Maybe a little of all three.