September 28, 2007

Almond Extract


If you like almonds but have no teeth, then read closely and BEWARE!

Do not, I repeat - DO NOT - swallow the almonds whole. I understand, this seems like a reasonable option for the tooth-challenged person to indulge in his, or her, favorite nut and acquire the benefits of said nuts. But, and it's a big but -

I recently discovered, in the way that only the staff in your local emergency department can discover, that almonds swallowed whole aren't digested by the body. AT ALL.

So, the health conscious toothless person who likes to indulge on a few dozen, or perhaps more likely several hundred almonds, may be in for a big surprise.

Ah, what kind of surprise, you ask? Because I know you want to know...

First of all, a few hundred whole almonds have a hard time making their way through the twists and turns of the GI system, potentially causing a rather severe constipation.

Second, to remove said constipation, it may require the administration of an enema, or two or three.

Third, when that enema is done in the local ER where toothless person might have to present for his constipation-induced abdominal pain without telling the ER staff about his recent almond-fetish, the ER staff might be a little shocked when not one - not two - but several hundreds of whole almonds are expelled from toothless person after enema administration.

Enough said.

6 comments:

Megan said...

Umm...wow. I can't even begin to imagine how painful that must have been to that person. Note to self - no whole almonds. Yuck.

Lisa said...

Sometimes, I think how great it would be to have your job. Then you post these and I'm glad I don't have your job because I probably would not handle it well!

Iron Girl Nyhus said...

Whoa... almonds... not sure what to say here except, GROSS!

Laura

IronJenny said...

I know what to say... thanks!
Now I have another story to tell on my next long run....
;-)
I love these stories!

Brent Buckner said...

=:-0

drbubba said...

I've been away for a while, and I know that I shouldn't laugh, but damn that was funny! Sorry for laughing, but...I mean...oh nevermind. Hahahahaha! Sorry. Hahahahaha.