January 10, 2007

About Me

I'm starting to realize that it isn't about me.

There was a time, probably not too very long ago, when I honestly and unfailingly believed that I could affect anything and everything so as to produce my desired outcome. I was that confident, that foolish.

But anything out of control eventually crashes.

Like 7 years of way-too-young marriage that ends with private investigators and high speed car chases across the southeast...

Like my race car inching off the track in Canada Corner at Road America sending me spinning out of control at 140 mph toward an unforgiving concrete wall...

Like my unrestrained hubris...

I'm learning that no matter how much I micromanage, I have little control in most outcomes.

Yea, I can train for hours on end for months for a marathon, but I have no control when I hit 24 miles and weep like a new war widow... I can detail that Maserati daily for months, but if the battery is drained then I'll just keep on admiring her from afar...

The only thing I know for certain is one day, maybe today, maybe in a dozen or more years, I will die. Nothing else is guaranteed, and nothing I can do or say or want or feel will make anything or anyone happen. I can want it, but unless all the planets align and all the interested parties agree, wanting won't lead to having.

And that's hard to accept, but essential. If I can understand that I really have no control, then everything becomes much simpler. No worries... What will happen will happen. And that's all...

And this I now know - it isn't all about me...

7 comments:

TJ said...

absolutely. there are so many things that happen which are totally out of our control...no matter how hard we try to control/influence them. a tough pill to swallow at times.

Pixie said...

I agree 100000%. Our lives are not ours to control and the sooner we figure that out the better off we are. Of course, we are responsible for making the right decisions, etc., but in the end we are merely the passenger.

:)

Laurie said...

Giving up control is so hard. There is a delicate balance between taking control of your life by making good decisions and realizing that you are a product of things that happen around you. Some people give up control and blame the world for their problems. But I don't see you as that type of person.

Robin said...

Having kids is the best teacher about how little control we have over anything, LOL. And that's scary sometimes.

But life isn't without influence as well. It seems that you are a person who takes the cards dealt you and moves forward with them in a positive direction. We can't change the cards, we can only change how we play them.

Blue Skies!

Bike Chick said...

I guess I believe in maybe a combination of too. Go with the flow but maybe use your oars to go in the general direction you want. See the possibilities down the river. If you don't fight the current, eventually, you'll get where you want to go.

ironjenny said...

Hey Buddy - you've got some good advice in the comments above... I'll add my two cents, too if that's okay.
There's an old Eagles or Journey song that says, "hold on loosely, but don't let go. If you cling too tightly your gonna lose control". There are lots of different life experiences where this can apply.
Letting go a little - whether it's when an idiot driver passes you illegally, or maybe when a relationship seems strained, it is actually a very freeing thing to do... to let go of some of that control.
We are on a journey, and we're only co-pilots, sitting shot gun... most of this trip is God's plan. He knows what He's doing, and He's blessed you in countless ways. EVen though on some days all you can see are the struggles and the annoying things you can't control. Back up a few paces and look at your big picture.
Go watch your kids sleep. Actually pull up a chair. I dare you to sit there for more than one minute and not get up for a tissue.
Kids - as many as you have, and as young as they are - are a ton of work. And no, it's really not about you right now. And that's not a bad thing. But let go of the control you miss when it really was "just you", and you will realize that you are right where you need to be right now.
You're a good man and an imperfect man, and on any given day at least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
On that note, go ask your kids what they think of you. It's their opinion that matters most and I bet they have to say what it is you need to hear.
Take care, friend.
Jenny

Anonymous said...

shoummach
Bfod